a rant that became a reason for why i focus my time on music
it isn't funny the way life works out. people say that it is, but it isn't. life doesn't work out, it just goes. it continues doing what it does, which is keeping going. always changing. what's truly funny is the way way people live their lives and the changes their minds and hearts make. that is, sometimes, unpredictable, sometimes strange, sometimes tragic, sometimes happy, sometimes better. the way my life is working out isn't funny, the way my mind has changed, or given up, is dissapointing.

i've gotten myself a new job. well, relatively new. i've been there for some months now. i'vv been getting paid a lot better than i was at my previous job. i've met some new people, i've been able to go out with friends, have good times, eat when i'm hungry, buy some new clothes when i need them, all the sort of things money can get me. but so what? all i've been doing, really, is getting drunk. a lot.

somehow it no longer bothers me that i'm working for a multi-national corporation. at starbucks i felt like a complete asshole working for one. i hated it and i hated myself for staying there. where has all my anger and disgust gone? why is one okay to work at but the other isn't? maybe it's because i don't have any stories of whole foods fucking people over, like starbucks and local business and people trying to start a local business. maybe because i don't see the real politics of whole foods the way i did with starbucks. i guess my department, in a way, shelters me from all of that. we don't deal with it, we deal only with the customers, not the store managers, or regional, or all the assholes in the highest positions. we cashier and bag groceries.

whatever the reason for my pasiveness, i've stopped caring. i've stopped longing to work at a non-profit organization, or to help, or to contribute. i've stopped keeping up with the news, or discussing issues with people. occassionally i'll discuss something with someone, but i just don't stay informed any more. i've lost all drive to discover and to learn new things, important things. i've focused all my time and learning for music and alcohol. i talk about when i was drunk on such and such night, or this band's new release, or which album i think is better, and generally, i tell these things to people that don't really care, which is also disheartening because i, again, feel alone in my joys and interests.

music has become the most interesting thing going on in my life. instead of an online newspaper i read interviews with bands, websites explaing why so and so hasn't gone on tour for over a year, when the release date for their new album is, readiing message boards to find live shows, or online auido clips of interviews. reading the news became boring. i was reading the same thing over and over, the news articles became repetitive in themselves. informitive news articles became less and less. the guilty people at large were only getting slaps on the wrists, or nothing was being done to stop such behavior. no intervention on the governments part to stop such suffering all over the world, only intervention to continue an economy, to make wealth for the wealthy, only to create more strife and suffering. how can i drown myself in such misery, keep so much anger in myself, and still be happy?

i've come to look at the way the world works as an intersting time to be living in. our government has become and wiretapping, abducting, imprisioning, war-mongering big brother. the men and women of our government are aristocratic, uppercrust socialites. they no longer represent the people or our wishes, they no longer represent the people who truly make up this society, who truly substain the economy, who truly carry the burden of all their decisions on their back. they don't see us for what we really are. what they see us as are demographics and consumers. sheeps to be told who to vote for without asking why, to be fed lies and deceit, swallow it down and ask for more, to told what to buy, to wear, to do, to say, to inform on, to suspect, to associate with. the men and women that make up our government are concerned with one thing: staying in politics. it's a career. they only care for what keeps them in power, not for what is needed to be done, not what would make this city, this county, with region, this state, this country, this world, a wonderful place to live in.

intertwined with the government are the corporations. they are equally dispicable as the goverment. their goal, though, isn't a hidden agenda. corporations are clear in their agenda: money. we all know their driving force is profit, no matter what cost. as we see the government becoming more corrupt and less accountable, we see corporations becoming less accountable and more destructive. corporations destroy land, cause wars, oppress other nations, cause poverty. third-world nations are employed for low labor and material cost, which oppresses and causes poverty because there are no labor laws. all the production waste is emptied into third-world nations. it becomes their problem. meanwhile the corporation drive up prices of comodoties to prices that people who don't really need the products can't even afford, but buy because material possessions have become the way people now feel good about their lives. people have become so jaded that these possessions have become what makes people feel fulfilled with their lives. coporations means and ends are both evil.

also interesting are the people against both government and corporations. the people that care enough to rally and protest, to sign petitions, to sabatoge. they have chosen to fight against these two evils, to make this war this life. they struggle to inform an apathetic public and to gain more believers. i admire this, but ultimately i find it futile. i don't see any form of change coming to business or governemt. the mass public doesn't care. they don't care about oil, conserving natural recourses, deforestation, wars, corrupt politics, because it doesn't impact their day to day lives. they don't see the war, they don't see slave labor, they can't feel their pockets emptying into politician and businessmen's pockets because already so much is taken from their income. i don't think that the time has yet come when the publics' brow has been beaten badly enough to make people stop and question what's truly going on. yes, good things are done by the people that work to stop government and corporations. i may not be informed enough on what is going on, but it feels as though it's just stauling the inevitable.

with these thoughts rolling over in my mind, and the anger i always felt towards what i believe to be wrong, and the discouragement of anything being done, i've gone to the art of music for some sort of solice. i've given up being angry, and bitter every waking moment of my life to feel the bliss of a beautiful creation made of noise. i suppose that's why i spend my time seeking out new bands and keeping up to date with ones i alreay know of. i'm tired of the same old news story of death, malice, corruption, bribery, war, poverty, poor decisions based on greed. i want to feel the joy of music, the expression of feelings, to continue searching for new bands that make me feel this way. i'm tired of stressing out over things i can't change. i'm tired of anger. so maybe the way my mind has changed and progessed in't so dissapointing, or funny, or tragic, or happy, or strange. it just is, just like life.